On my way to Ojo Caliente and before leaving the mountains, I made a stop at Fenton Lake. I found a quiet spot on the shore and as I dropped in I asked for an audience with the Lady of the Lake. She was surprised that I would even know she existed, let alone to ask for an audience with her. I found her to be in a state of mourning, for she shared that no one has sung her songs in many moons. This saddens her, her songs are what nourish and fortify her, they show her honor and respect and help fuel her tending of the lake.

I explained that I don’t know her songs, and even if I did I’m not sure it would be appropriate that I sing them as they would not carry the same power, but I offered to sing her a song I know that is close to my heart as an offering, she graciously accepted. As I was singing I noticed dancing sparkles on the water, I know these to be water spirits, it was such a sweet experience.

The wind picked up and I could feel the nature spirits asking if I would bring Grandfather Fire through for them. Which I agreed to do as an offering for a short while. After merging with Grandfather he offered the Lady of the Lake council, he encouraged her to take note of the ways in which some humans are attempting to make a mends, and pointed out that there are humans who do not know of the agreements who attempt to make offerings, even something as simple as picking up trash, singing the songs on their heart, sharing their families and laughter, and giving other gifts of gratitude big and small. He acknowledged that these are not as fortifying for her, but to try to find some comfort in knowing humans are trying and a gift from the heart is a gift worth receiving.

Then Grandfather sang one of her songs, I could feel the flow of nourishment, her energy strengthen and expanding from this one song. I realized that although it may not be appropriate for me to ask for or sing her song, Grandfather Fire is multi-cultural and a song sang by him carries the type of power she needs. The Lady of the Lake was deeply grateful. I unmerged and sat awhile enjoying the beauty of the lake and surrounding forests. I then bid her farewell for the day.

As I was leaving the lake a black bear ran across the road in front of my car. If you know me you know how much Bears mean to me and I considered this a blessed gift from the Lady and was deeply touched. I continued on my journey East.

I made it to Ojo Caliente spent the night, went to the Hotsprings which were quite delightful! Gave my offerings to the waters, although I listened deeply I didn’t get much communication which is not uncommon in more populated places. Instead of staying in Ojo I decided it was time to head back to the mountains where my heart and ears seem to be appreciated most. On the way back through the mountains to my Airbnb I witnessed a herd of Elk, as well as a few Deer bucks traveling together. I took this as a sign that I made the right choice. 😉

Today I ventured out into the mountain preserve. I saw a very large round stone off of the road that caught my attention and decided to park and get closer. I sat by the stone, and gave offerings of wild tobacco and lavender (before I came to NM I journeyed to the Spirit of Place to ask what herbal offerings would be the most well received and translatable regardless of where I went in New Mexico).

It was then a large voice joined me, he introduced himself as The Mountain Spirit, a guardian of the land. We had a lovely conversation. He asked me why I came to New Mexico, to which I replied to visit and receive wisdom from the Ancient Ones. He thought it was unusual that a human would travel all the way from California just to listen to the land and give offerings. I guess I peaked his curiosity and I’m so glad I did! 🙂 I asked if he and the land would like me to share a story (I find silly songs, and creation stories are a great way to break the ice with the land and nature spirits), after seeing a Fir cone I decided to tell the story of the field mouse and the Doug Fir (if you look at a Fir cone you will see the little mouse legs and tail, you can look this story up if you want to hear it for yourself), which greatly pleased him and the nature spirits. He then asked if I would share a recent personal story so they could get to know me a bit better, so I shared the story of the ceremony around my canine companion’s passing.

He asked me what my intentions are in my Earth Tending work, and what I know of working with the land in the ways that I do to which I explained what I know and noted that there is soooo much I don’t know and suspect I will never know as I am a human and can only comprehend so much of the complexities of the layers of land spirits, their roles, and creation. I asked if he would be willing to share anything with me that I don’t know and that would be helpful for other humans to know. Here is a rough transcription of what he shared relative to Earth Tending & being in right relationship with the land:

“What humans need to remember is the best ways that they can tend the land are the instructions given by the land itself. He went on to give some context; there were agreements made between the first peoples and the lands, partnerships if you will of how the land would tend the humans and how the humans would tend the land. Those partnerships and agreements are not being fulfilled (there is no blame in this, it is just a fact), it is not to say that we (the spirits of the land) don’t appreciate the ways in which humans give offerings today whether that be tobacco, other herbs, the songs they know… but there were very specific songs and ways of tending the land that are no longer being carried out.

Consider a marriage between the land and a human, the human dies and the land is given a new mate who has not agreed nor made the same commitment as the previous human. Assuming this human in their heart and soul wants to be a good partner – Who else is there to teach them how to be in right partnership with the marriage but the land?

Those spirits of land who take into the account the well-being of all (there is a hierarchy among the spirits of the land) understand that there are many reasons why these agreements are not being carried out, however that does not change the need for fortification and reciprocity. New arrangements must be made, between the individual human and the land upon which they walk and/or live. They do not need to be agreements per-se but there must be an understanding between the land, the humans, and appropriate offerings made to be in right relationship. We are not saying do not continue the ways that you are giving offerings, humans are very quick to pull away if they feel they are not doing something “right”, or come to us with their shame, that is not what we are asking for. We are simply asking you to take the time to listen to what we really need to be fortified. Give what is in your heart and know if you want to deepen your relations that opportunity is there and we welcome it.

Right relationship is giving as much as you receive and giving in ways that are truly nourishing and fortifying for the land. Not the ways in which humans “just have time for” with your busy schedules or the ways which humans “think” are right, right relationship is asking the land, the guardians, the nature spirits how best to reciprocate them with your heart at the forefront. In order to do this you must make time and space outside of your ordinary human lives and outside of your ordinary ways of thinking, you must get creative as offerings will often be different depending on where you are and what spirits are present on the land in that area.

We (the spirits of the land) would be willing to give you songs to help fortify and nourish the relationship between humans and the land but a partnership must first be built step by step. Much in the way that a human would build a long lasting healthy partnership with another human, it takes time, it takes strength, focus, and for humans discipline to put down your devices to unplug from the ordinary and plug into the extraordinary. In this way you not only honor the magnificence of all of creation, you are reminded of your own magnificence, and then we are able to bring out the best in eachother (the land and humans) and maintain a sustainable long term healthy relationship.

Not all humans are created equally when it comes to power, but you all have power, just as we do. Some of you have a pre-disposition to share power with the natural world much of that has to do with your ancestral connections and the relationships your ancestors cultivated with the land. What is important is that you use your power to invest in the well-being of the natural world around you, for we are very much invested in you thanks to the indigenous ancestors of the lands in every part of the world.

I will finish by saying that offerings should always come from the heart, with the intention of reciprocity, as opposed to a place within a human’s heart where pity resides. It is part of the human condition to feel sadness around loss, that is not wrong, you may share your tears as an offering but do not offer your pity. In other words, share your tears, feel your grief, but do not project your grief onto us.”

The theme of my New Mexico journey thus far has been a deepening exploration of a general theme in my life since Spring… letting go…

I arrived at my Airbnb in Jemez Pueblo feeling pretty wiped, did not sleep well and woke up feeling pretty funky. I did some energy body tending and clearing work and felt much better. I was ready to go explore the mountains! I got in my rental car and began heading North. I didn’t get very far before I drove past an adult kitty that had been fatally hit in the middle of the road.

I pulled over, I couldn’t leave her in the road. It was then I knew why I brought a bath towel from home (despite the amount of real estate it took in my carry on – it was an intuitive choice). I picked her up and brought her to the side of the road near the river. Picked some flowers and wrapped her in the towel, said a prayer and sat with her for a few moments.

By the time I got back to the car my fur baby mom heart and the thought of her owners waiting for her to come home and not knowing what had happened to her took over. I attempted to join some local FB groups to post, but because I don’t live in the area they wouldn’t allow me entry. I was feeling pretty torn at this point, can I let this go? I asked myself and the answer at the time was no. As much as my higher knowing told me that I did everything I could, so much sadness and worry overcame me. I finally posted on a New Mexico group I joined last week and just prayed that if they were meant to see it they would and be able to recover her body otherwise Nature would do what Nature does and her death would become life for another lifeform and that is ok too.

I took some deep breaths and decided to continue North to a trail by the river that I hiked years ago with my dog Moo who has since passed. When I arrived I parked near the river and was out of breath (the altitude was definitely kicking my butt!) so I decided not to hike too far and just find a quiet spot by the river. As I sat by the river my tears began to fall, I felt the many losses I have experienced past, present, and even some anticipated future losses.

A part of me was saying no, why are we crying, we should be hiking and joyful! My higher knowing said let the tears fall and do what you came here to do, consult with the Ancient Ones. Before I could make contact with the Ancient Ones an Indigenous female spirit made herself known across the river. She gently said “Let your tears fall, this is the River of Tears, allow yourself to open, give your tears to the river this IS the place for your tears.” and so I did.

I eventually closed my eyes, tears streaming down my face and across the river my 3 dogs who have passed came to the river bank. More and more tears… feeling into my grief I jumped into the river to try and get to them, to touch them and feel their bodies, their fur, to receive their precious kisses and personalities once again, but no matter how hard I tried I could not make it to the other side. The woman said “you will not make it, it is not your time, but they are always with you.” It was then that I got the image in my mind that Tipsy, my most recently departed canine gives me to let me know her spirit is near. So I surrendered and laid on my back and let the river carry me.

I then found myself kneeling at a grave and headstone. I noticed that Death was now standing to my right. I asked Death whose grave is this? he replied “It’s yours”. I notice a bright doorway behind him. A bit shaken by the imagery of my grave and a “bright” doorway, I ask him if I am going to die soon? “Not physically, this is the Death you are experiencing metaphorically within yourself.”. So I looked more closely at the headstone and saw a poem I loved and lived by as a young adult.

RISK
“To laugh is to risk appearing a fool,
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement,
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To live is to risk dying,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
She may avoid suffering and sorrow,
But she cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live.
Chained by her servitude she is a slave who has forfeited all freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.”

I smiled, I had forgotten about this poem that propelled me forward so many years ago to California and asked myself if I were to physically die at this point would I feel like I lived a full life? Another principal that has guided me since young adulthood. I started to review my past, consider how I have chosen to invest my energy in this life, and came to an honest conclusion that yes I would feel like I made the most of my time here, but that I wasn’t ready to go yet. Then I considered if I were to go on with my life as it is now would I feel like that would be a life well lived, and my attention was brought to the poem again. It became clear to me that there are upcoming changes, a shift internally and externally that will continue to unfold in the coming seasons.

I asked Death about the door. Where does it go? He replied, “It is the life that comes after this Death cycle you are experiencing”. I asked if I could take a peek and he gestured toward the door. I stepped through and felt immense love and expansion and was very much still on Earth. I saw and felt a few other things that I will keep to myself for now. I heard Death say, “Ok it’s time to come back through you’ve had your preview.” Then Death let me know it was time to speak with the Ancient Ones.

Here is a rough transcription of what the Ancient Ones shared with me and asked me to share.

“One of the purposes of Death is to remind us of the value of Life. Live a full life, take every opportunity to care for yourself and to be of service to others.

Take every opportunity to be accountable for your life and the life you are living.

Do not fear Death, for it is but a doorway – an opening to transformation into another form of Life, of living, of being. Allow your tears to fall, to feed the rivers and streams, for they need your tears and they want you to remember. To remember the preciousness of Life, the preciousness of Death, the preciousness of a life well lived, no matter how long or short. It is all a gift. It is all an experience to be savored, revered, and expressed.

You may find yourself stuck in your loss, but it is fleeting for as soon as you choose to walk through the doorway at your graves, and the many graves you will face in life, that is when life really begins. That is a life well lived. To have the willingness, the courage, and the understanding to move through the many passages of Death and Life, and that the tears that the sky shares with you when the rain falls (it literally started raining when they shared this) is a sign that no one weeps alone, and is also a gift. We all weep with you, for you, and we all celebrate your passage.”

After receiving this transmission, I thanked Death and found myself floating in the river again further down stream. The Ancient Ones began to tell me how this particular River of Tears that sat before me was formed. Her creation story if you will. The short version is there was an indigenous matriarch who lost many loved ones in her village, I could then see her kneeling on the Earth and the tears pouring out of her, beginning to form a massive river. “And that is how the River came to be, and why the river welcomes your tears, for when we weep we are reminded of the preciousness of life and eachother.” the Ancient Ones concluded.

It started to thunder and pour rain in ordinary reality. They gently nudged that this was all for today, it was time to go back to my car.

Tomorrow I head North East the next leg of my journey. My time in Jemez has been intense and rich, I am very much looking forward to more integration and some time in the North East (the place of community and new beginnings).